Joke's On You
by maestra
Summary: A practical joke makes its way through the Centre family.


Title: Joke's On You   
Author: maestra   
  
Summary: A practical joke makes its way through the Centre family.  
  
Dedication: For Katie (JarodsAngel - who issued the challenge New Idea Challenge) and Lizzy the Lizzar (an astute observer of life with a wicked wit).   
  
Tired from his latest pretend, as a college football coach tracking down who could be providing the students with steroids, Jarod let himself into the cabin in the woods that had become his latest lair.   
  
After pouring himself a glass of chocolate milk and quickly grabbing some oreo cookies, he sat down to check his e-mail. There about 3 down the list was one that caught his eye, from ImJarod2. It had to be from The Boy, his clone, created by the Centre at Donaterase, and molded for the first years of his young life by the one person Jarod considered to be the epitome of evil, Dr. William Raines.   
  
He gave his head a brief shake, as if to dislodge the line of thought and decided to see what The Boy had to say, and if he were conveying information he thought would help Jarod. Despite his best efforts his hopes began to rise of seeing his mother at last, as he clicked on the message and the computer loaded it for viewing.   
  
It opened at last, and the message that appeared was only a phone number. No other information as to who he would be looking for or anything. Though he was concerned that no other information was attached to the phone number or the file, he grabbed his cell phone, scrambled the signal as usual and dialed the toll free number.   
  
888-435-7630. It seemed odd to him that those numbers would spell out HELPME, but he tried not to give it a second thought as the phone rang at the other end and was picked up by a machine...   
  
"Hello, and welcome to the mental health hotline. . .  
If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.  
  
If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.  
  
If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5, and 6.  
  
If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call.  
  
If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transferred to the mother ship.  
  
If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and voice will tell you which number to press."  
  
Ok, he might be a bit paranoid, but when it came to the Centre, he figured it was with good cause. But, he laughed, and laughed, until his sides hurt, never really having been the recipient of a practical joke before. Finally when he could at last type again, he decided to forward it to a few of his "friends".  
Broots was tired; it had been along day of searching the Internet for any signs of Jarod. And he hadn't found a trace of him. Miss Parker had hovered over his shoulder like some kind of avenging angel, and in that, Broots guessed, she wasn't far off. She definitely had been in the "Jarod's taunted the Centre for the last time" mode lately. He was just about to call it a day when his e-mail notifier announced that he had mail. He quickly entered his mail program and his secret password and found a new message in bold print.  
  
To: SamsonB   
From: ISeekTruth  
Dear Mr. Broots,  
Please call me at the number below I have important information for you. - J  
888-435-7630.  
  
Broots' was surprised for a moment that Jarod would know his e-mail address, but no matter how hard he tried to keep the Centre's computer systems secure, there was always someone messing up and allowing important information to be leaked outside the network. But with the first good lead in weeks about Jarod's whereabouts, he was going to pursue this on his own to see where it lead, before he took it to Miss Parker. Quickly he set up a trace and found an outside line and dialed the number. But all he got was an answering machine and this is what he heard:  
  
"Hello, and welcome to the mental health hotline. . .  
If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.  
  
If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.  
  
If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5, and 6.  
  
If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call.  
  
If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transferred to the mother ship.  
  
If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and voice will tell you which number to press."  
  
Thinking about how he had always fantasized about Miss Parker being romantically interested in him, Broots with a sigh, pushed #7.   
  
Sydney walked from the Sim Lab into his office. His studies with the twins were not going so well today, the youngest set had acted up and would not apply themselves to their lessons today. He had been at this for years, in his heart, none of them would ever rival Jarod, his greatest Pretender. He sat down with a cup of coffee to go over tomorrow's agenda before he left for the day. Suddenly his e-mail notifier popped up on his computer. He opened the mail program and the highlighted e-mail opened.  
  
To: Sydney  
From: ISeekTruth  
Dear Sydney,  
It is vitally important that you call the number below immediately. - J  
888-435-7630.  
  
Sydney was secretly pleased. No matter how he tried to make it on his own in the world, Jarod kept coming back to him, if not to the Centre. Sydney remembered telling the young Pretender, "He who saves but one life saves the whole world." But in truth, Sydney didn't know whether he had saved Jarod, or his relationship with Jarod had saved him from ending up dead, like his brother Jacob. With a sigh, Sydney realized his career really wouldn't have been much at the Centre if he had not, by chance, been assigned Jarod. Whatever he was, he was nothing without Jarod. He had to admit, the relationship was a bit co-dependent, and with another sigh pushed #2.  
  
Miss Parker got home from the Centre. It had been a long day, and she dropped her keys on the table inside the front door, kicked off her shoes and went to pour herself a drink. Coming back into the living room she grabbed her telephone's handset and sat down on the sofa to listen to her messages. Not that anyone called her much anymore.  
  
The last message was from Jarod, just moments before she arrived home! He just said, "Check your e-mail." So putting down the phone she dashed over to her laptop and connected to the Internet. Sure enough, she had mail. She clicked her mouse on the waiting message icon, and it loaded it instantly for her.  
  
To:MissParker  
From:ISeekTruth  
Dear Miss Parker,  
Secrets and lies of the Centre have torn all our lives apart. Seek truth with me. Know thyself, know the Centre. - J  
888-435-7630.  
  
She hated his cryptic remarks like these. But she grabbed her telephone again and after the third ring the other answering machine picked up and she listened intently at the choices given....  
  
"Hello, and welcome to the mental health hotline. . .  
If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.  
  
If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.  
  
If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5, and 6.  
  
If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call.  
  
If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transferred to the mother ship.  
  
If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and voice will tell you which number to press."  
  
Well, she had to admit as she pushed 1-1-1-1, she was a tad obsessive when it came to hunting down Jarod.   
  
She wasn't going to ruin her weekend chasing the Frankenboy. She called the Centre and thanks to Broots' ingenuity they had traced his call to St.Paul, Minnesota. She issued quick orders for a team of sweepers to be dispatched immediately.   
  
She decided to forward it to the sweet brother she and Jarod shared, living somewhere with Major Charles the last she had heard. Though he was very careful not to disclose their location, he did e-mail once in awhile.  
  
To: HearsVoices  
From:MissParker  
  
My Dear brother Ethan,  
Dial this number: 888-435-7630.   
Then forward this e-mail to your big brother Jarod, please. Tell him that I said we've tracked his call from Minnesota to the hotline, and "The Joke's On You."  
Your Loving Big Sister,  
M.Parker  
  
She was sure that by the time Centre Sweepers could arrive in Minnesota, Jarod would be long gone. With a chuckle she snuggled into the sofa and turned off the phone returning it to the cradle. She took a sip from her drink, enjoying the sensation as it warmed the back of her throat when she swallowed. She leaned her head back, and couldn't help smiling, "Sweepers on your tail Labrat, the Joke's on You!" 


End file.
